As I am preparing to deliver again, I can't help but acknowledge the "gaping" incision that is eating me alive. Something about the way I was treated during my last pregnancy, labor, and, delivery is making it extremely difficult to feel comfortable with delivering another bundle of joy into this world.
"But you have a healthy baby..., But it was medically necessary..., The doctor just did what he thought was best...But you were overdue...etc" None of the phrases are consoling. In fact, these comments only enrage me all the more!
I earned and deserved a vaginal, non- surgical delivery, and recovery. I had a healthy pregnancy, a healthy baby, in the head down position. I can only feel like everything that happened next was medically uncecssary and doctor created. I was induced only after my doctor advanced my due date up 5 days when my healthy baby was showing to be "large" for his original ESTIMATED due date. FYI my husband is 6'4"! When I mentioned to the doctor of my concern of induction and the due date advancement, his response to me was, "It is already scheduled and you are overdue." The medical induction led right into a world of mess. The Pitocin caused my uterus to contract and not release, which of course stressed the baby and his heart. This happened literally within minutes of the IV drip starting. Shortly after receiving a brethain shot to make the uterus relax, my OBGYN came in to break my water to move things along. I'm not sure what the rush was. I hadn't even been there but 2 hours. My labor time clock started ticking. Tick, tick, tick, BOOM!!! Before I knew it I would be in the operating room shaking so badly from the drugs that once my son was delivered I couldn't even look at him, much less do skin to skin and nurse him.
My goal was to have as natural delivery as possible. Despite the induction, I still tried for a natural delivery. I labored for 11-12 hours without any sort of pain relief. I was probably going through transition when I got an epidural. I was over 9cm and the nurses suggested pushing to help bring the baby down more. My son was so far down that we could see his hair! He had been showing decelerations in his heart when I would push, but that is also normal to a certain extent. The OBGYN came and let me push one time before he lost his cool and started yelling at the nurses. He started calling for forceps and then decided we would just section. I was never asked, talked to, given any options. I just found my self out of control and being operated on.There was a long pause after my son was delivered. As the doctor put it, the baby was in shock, because he was already in the birth canal.
The moment your baby is born you should feel an emotion of joy, excitement, and pure love come over you. All I could feel was a wave of nausea from the drugs causing me to vomit. My heart wanted to feel excitement but I was so groggy from the drugs I couldn't even hold my eyes open. My son's birth was anything but beautiful and peaceful. Instead it was high tension, forceful, and rushed. With all the drugs my son and I received and the induction we had a horribly difficult time breast feeding. I was determined that even though my child and I had been robbed of a peaceful delivery, I would not let it take away breastfeeding. It took us about 4 months to finally get in a rhythm, we worked at it all day and all night and I refused to supplement. We sucessfully nursed for a full year.
Every day I look at my son I feel so blessed that he is a happy, healthy almost 2 year old boy. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world! At the end of the day, I love him more than my life itself, but I still can't shake the feeling that all of the things that went wrong during my labor and delivery were completely unecessary and doctor created. I can't help but feel that every time I have another baby I will be at risk for complications because of this unecessary c-section, I will need to be monitored twice as closely during my deliveries, and I had to search high and low for a providor that would support me during a VBAC delivery.
Ladies I urge you to do extensive research on your provider, Find out what their c-section rate is, find out the rates of whoever they share call with, find out what the hospital policies are, make sure they fully support all of your needs. Hire a doula who can act as a advocate for you when you and your loved ones can't think straight. Educate yourselves! The United States as a whole has a C-section rate of 21.5%, that is, more than one out of five births to women
without a previous cesarean delivery were delivered by cesarean.
Primary cesarean delivery rates varied by state, ranging from 12.5%
in Utah to 26.9% in Florida and Louisiana. CDC statistics
